I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
