That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
