this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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