No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
