2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
