when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just gift wrapped bread.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
