Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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