I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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