I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
