I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
