Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
