living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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