I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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