I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
