Your tits are I can't wait for
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
how does that bad decision feel?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
