so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
should my penis look like a turkey
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
