Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
