At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
