i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
