Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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