He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
