so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize