Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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