Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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