idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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