I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
