soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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