have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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