You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize