Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
