i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
