Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had to cum in my sink.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
