I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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