Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
