You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
