you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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