im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize