also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
