My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize