Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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