the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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