I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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