I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this will be a night to untag.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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