i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
