can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
