dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
