I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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