She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
