i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
