im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
