Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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