She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
