Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
