I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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