god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
