I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
