Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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