apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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