We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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