I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As shirtless as possible
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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