I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know her cup size but not her name....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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