420 ftw
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
