that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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