That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In America we eat man semen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
