I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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